Life is getting better. I haven't changed. I'm happy about that. A lot's happen in the Sislyan/Ter-Gevorkyan family, but I can say with all the bad things that happened, a lot of good has followed.
After my brother moved out, at the worst time EVER, leaving me in a rutt, my parents in shambles, my grandparents in heartbreak and i don't care(or know) about how anyone else felt. I don't care about who his gf is. She can be a gothic mormon or whatever, it wouldn't bother me. It did bother the rest of my nuclear family. She is a muslim, but so far from their traditions. She even eats pork. My issues were never with her, it was with my brother.
I always hated how everything came easy to him. He was alwayss the smartest one, the more artistic one, the taller skinnier one! I hated that he could do everything, but i was never jealous... EVER. I loved him more than anything else in the world. I would reallly.. honestly.. ferr realllss-ly take a bullet for him. I'd let someone torture me to death with knives and roaches and all those bad things in the world just so he would not be harmed. The day he left, I played it cool. I acted happy for him, yay he's doing whats best for him, right? Well maybe he is, no one knows. He told me things like how our family disgusted him, how we dont speak like civilized human beings!! WTFF IS A CIVILIZED HUMAN BEING LIKE?! They supposidly don't argue or yell, or have any type of emotion at all. Well if he thinks thats how the world is, everyones' nice, calm and they always smile, he's gonna run inot a brick wall.
The world has become what it is because people argued! Because they questioned, because the FOUGHT!!!!!!
What bothered me the most wa shoe he hatedd us! It seemed like it. Sure we all complain about what our parents said or did, or how they didnt let us do such and such, but you can't hate that. They never hit him, kept him from doign anythign he wanted to do, or even sexually abuse him or whatnot.
I dunno. Everyone has a different point of view. Everyone has different cultural view... anythign and everythign is different. I can't sit here and say you are wrong and I am right without actually sittign down and thinking of the facts. He went out and did whatever he wanted, his way or nothign at all bullshit. Whatever.
I can't say that i won't take that bullet for him anymore, but I can't say that I will either. He did the one thing that i hated. He had me feel abandoned.
I've been abandoned all my life. My first 12 years of life, I was raised by my grandparents. I only saw my parenst for 3 hours. They'd pick me up at five when they would come home from work and then take me back to my grandparents when it was 8 so i could sleep and get ready for school again. It's only been 8 years since ive been actually living at my own home with my parents. My mom leaves on busines trip 6 times a year. My dad likes to gamble and visits the casinos for hours 6 times a year too. I dont like feeling alone. I am always beign sacrificed for everyone elses happiness. I'm always home. I don't go out. I only go to school and work. What can i do?! My brother was the only one i could really talk to, tell him my feelings, but he's gone now . When i call him to talk, he gets upset or mad at me, tellign me what i'm feelign is wrong. I shouldnt feel like that cuz it's not healthy. Well I don't have a reason to feel good, and obviously he's not helping. He's always the victim, it can never be me or anyone else.
I'm doing better now though. I've become closer with my parents now though. I dont want them upset. I'm not as emotional as i was when he left. I got to see matisyahu and hall&oates in concert. I ahve one more thing to do before I die, which is watch an Opera.. live in a Theatre. I wanna watch a Puccini or Bizzette or even a Grieg. I want to go to more museums. Not MOCA. I hate it. I do not want to go to NY. I do not like Miami. I never wanna be famous on tv. I don't wanna dress hobo chic. I don't wanna do drugs, but drinking is okay. I've yet to drink actually.
I don't care about typos.